 How
to Satisfy Him Sexually
Since there are so many articles
telling men about a women's
sexuality, and articles dealing
with ways to satisfy a woman and
bring her to one or more
orgasms, we thought it was only
fair to give the ladies a few
pointers on ways to improve her
abilities when it comes to
satisfying a man. The best thing
is, the things that improve sex
for a man make sex more
pleasurable for a woman as well.
The approach to dealing with the
topic of male sexual
satisfaction is a little
different than dealing with a
woman's sexual satisfaction for
the simple fact that men are
basically guaranteed an orgasm.
Men are also sexually stimulated
much quicker than a woman, and
they reach their orgasm much
faster than a woman as well.
Since men don't face the same
physical issues as women when it
comes to cumming, it should be
obvious the approach to male
satisfaction would have to be in
the emotional gratification area
more than the physical
gratification, and nothing is
more erotic or sexually
gratifying to a man than a woman
who has learned take control of
the situation once in a while.
By taking control, we don't mean
just securing a man to the bed
with ankle and wrist cuffs and
doing whatever you want to him,
although that is something every
couple should try. A woman that
can take control in bed is a
woman that is confident and
knows what things please her.
This woman is in control because
rather than constantly focusing
on whether or not her partner is
going to be able to bring her to
an orgasm, she is free to focus
her attention on his wants and
needs once in a while. Even with
the many changes that have
occurred over the years in men's
and women's roles in and out of
bed, most men still feel it is
their responsibility to bring a
woman an orgasm every time they
have sex. Whether or not it is
the man's fault or not if a
woman doesn't achieve an orgasm,
men will view themselves as a
failure if they can't, usually
getting defensive if the woman
appears to be unsatisfied after
sex in any way. This has a lot
to do with the after-play issue
we mentioned in the
10 Mistakes Women Need to Avoid
Making. When a woman knows
she can be satisfied in bed any
time she wants, with or without
a partner, she gains self
confidence and is able to free
the man of his responsibility
for making each love making
session an erotic, orgasmic
experience for her.
Gaining Self Confidence:
The most important asset a woman
can have is self-confidence. A
woman who is confident not only
in her skills and actions, but
also in her appearance is a
number one turn-on for a man.
When you are involved in a
relationship with a man, sex is
eventually going to part of that
relationship, and sex means
looking at one another in the
nude. The man you're with was
attracted to you physically or
he wouldn't be there right now,
so even if you don't think you
look like a Playboy or Penthouse
model, he already knew what you
looked like when he met you, and
the fact the two of you are in a
relationship proves he likes
what he sees.
It's been proven time after time
that the majority of women are
not happy with their own
appearance, no matter how good
they look, but if you focus your
attention on the physical parts
of your body that you consider
flaws, and you focus his
attention on them as well by
asking things like "is my ass
too big" or saying things like
"I don't like my tits, they need
to be
bigger/smaller/perkier/rounder...
etc. etc.", you're not only
going to kill the passion in
your relationship, but you're
telling him that he can't
possibly be happy in a
relationship with you because
you're not happy with the person
you are.
Since tips on how to gain self
confidence is an article in
itself, and we happen to have
such an article on this site,
after you read through this
short article, we refer you to
the article
What Makes You a Sexy Person
rather than repeat it here.
Confidence should also be about
your ability and willingness to
try things that you have never
done before. This will allow
creativity to enter into your
relationship creating not only a
stronger bond between the two of
you, but also allowing each
partner to understand how the
other feels and thinks. Again,
rather than repeat the same tips
here that we already have for
trying new sexual experiences,
we refer you to the article
New Things To Try for
some ideas to liven up your sex
life.
For now, we're going to
concentrate on what you as a
woman need to do in order to be
able to initiate all of the new
ideas you'll get from those
articles.
The
problem with a woman being
confident in the bedroom:
When you think about a self
confident woman, you not only
think of a woman who is
comfortable with her appearance,
but one that is more aggressive
than passive, and is more
comfortable expressing herself
verbally and physically. One of
the biggest problems women have
when it comes to being self
confident about sex is the
misguided perception of a self
confident women being a whore or
a slut. Women get caught in the
'virgin mother' syndrome, where
society has often worshipped
nonsexual women, virgins and
virginal mothers, and religions
frequently label sexual women as
sinners and witches. In the
past, and even today, a teenage
girl or woman is labeled as
being easy or being a slut if
she behaves in a sexy manner or
expresses her sexual desires.
In today's society, we somehow
expect women to be both sexual
and orgasmic, yet still remain
virginal. This is due to the
fact that when we were young,
our parents were our role
models, and we perceived our
mother was what a wife should
be. The problem is most people,
especially men, do not perceive
their mother as a sexual being,
and regardless of the fact none
of us would be here today if our
mother didn't have sex, just the
thought of their mother having
sex is disturbing for most men.
As teenagers and young men, a
boy's mother may have openly
rejected any woman who is sexual
as not being a 'proper' mate for
her son. Most men carry this
attitude with them as they age,
and while a man may brag to his
buddies about the sexual skills
of his girlfriend, he will
become angry and defensive if
anyone should suggest his wife
does anything of a sexual
nature. A girlfriend can
be a slut, but a wife must be a
virgin, so women have associated
the sexual girlfriend as someone
a man will not want to have a
long term relationship with, and
definitely not want to marry.
Girls have been taught at a
young age that a man will not
want to marry them if they
aren't a virgin on their wedding
night. While this may have been
common a century ago, abstinence
until marriage is rare now, but
the idea of a virginal woman
being a more acceptable wife is
still embedded in our minds. To
make themselves acceptable, a
woman may subconsciously take on
the 'sexless mother' or 'good
girl' role in order to be a
suitable mate, even if she's not
looking for a husband.
So what does all of this have to
do with being self confident?
Self confidence goes far beyond
appearance and a woman's
independence. Regardless of how
self confident she is about her
appearance, or anything else,
she understands that "good
girls" are expected to be
passive, and even ignorant when
it comes to sex, and many women
fear their boyfriend or husband
may reject them if they show an
aggressive sexual nature,
especially early on in a
relationship.
Unfortunately, this same concept
of being a 'good girl' moves
from the public place to the
bedroom, and many women fear
being sexually aggressive. This
fear causes her to lack self
confidence when it comes to
expressing her sexual desires.
So we can see that being a
confident woman in the bedroom
may require a bit of re-thinking
on a woman's part about how she
perceives herself. Remember the
old saying: 'A good girl goes to
heaven, but a bad girl goes
anywhere she wants'. If you want
to go farther in the bedroom,
but don't want to be perceived
as a slut in public, you may
have to be confident enough to
become two people, both the good
girl you are suppose to be in
public to the bad girl you
should want to be in the
bedroom.
By the way, for women who
haven't figure this out yet,
most men want their wife or
girlfriend to be a slut in
private. While the thought of
actually hiring a prostitute may
not excite a lot of men, there
is still an excitement about the
thought of it for the simple
fact that the job she performs
caries with it an assumed self
confidence on her part. No one
imagines a hooker as a woman
lacking self confidence and
being timid in bed.
Men that do feel the need for
their wife or girlfriend to
remain passive in bed probably
have so many sexual hang ups
they aren't capable of a
healthy, sexual relationship,
and probably never will until
they can make some major changes
in their outlook about sex,
whether on their own or through
sex counseling.
Gain Knowledge:
 Why
is pornography so popular among
men and not women? For the same
reason why boys take apart
toasters and everything else
that they can get their hands
on. Most men need to understand
how things work, and want to
investigate. Most women don't
have this inquisitive nature
that men do. It's been said this
phenomenon is due to the fact
that since women can have
babies, women are born with the
necessary equipment to create
life, so men feel the need to
create in other ways. Whether
this is true or not doesn't
matter. What does matter is that
women need to be more
inquisitive about sex and learn
more about erotic and exotic sex
activates and techniques.
Some women have isolated
themselves from visual
stimulation so much they're not
even comfortable looking at
their lover's body when they're
nude. While the positions porn
stars have sex in are more for
the camera angle than actual
pleasure, it doesn't take much
imagination to see how to adjust
many of these positions in real
life to make them pleasurable.
There are other moves and
techniques that can be learned
from different porn movies.
Mutual masturbation, oral sex,
anal sex, and even ideas for
role-playing can be learned from
watching porno movies. If
publically admitting you watch
porn may not be something you're
comfortable doing, you don't
have to wear a T Shirt
advertising the fact you watch
XXX rated movies. Buy yourself
some different adult movies with
different themes, including some
of the adult how-to movies, and
watch them in private. You'll
not only gain knowledge about
sex, watching porn can help you
to overcome any sexual
inhibitions you may have, and it
will provide some nice visual
stimulation for your
masturbation sessions that we're
getting ready to discuss.
 Another
area of sexual pleasure many women fail to learn about is sex toys.
While it's common for many women and girls to masturbate by massaging
their clitoris with hands and fingers or rub their vulva up against
pillows, stuffed animals, and furniture, too many women avoid using a
dildo, a dong, a vibrator or other sex toys when masturbating. While
there is nothing wrong with masturbating or having sex without using sex
toys, there are some sensations, such as vibration, that aren't possible
without them. Additionally, if a woman keeps a variety of sex toys by
her bed, it's much easier for her to suggest the use of sex toys to her
partner during foreplay. Almost any man will jump on the chance to use a
vibrator to masturbate a woman to her first orgasm, and it gives you the
chance to tell him what you want him to do to you, opening up the lines
of communication for further instruction on what to do with his hands,
his mouth, and even his cock when you move from foreplay to fucking.
Masturbate:
 Unless
you know what it takes for you to be satisfied sexually, how can you
expect a man to know what you want if you don't know yourself?
Although it's possible to
discover things you like from
what your partner or partners do
to you, it's also possible to
learn that sex leaves you
feeling unfulfilled because your
partner's techniques fail to
satisfy you completely, or fail
to bring you to an orgasm. To a
certain extent, achieving an
orgasm has become a chore
instead of a pleasure for some
women. You cannot force yourself
to experience orgasm, and if you
become too preoccupied with the
mechanics of achieving an orgasm
during intercourse, sex becomes
unpleasant and frustrating for
both you and your partner.
Achieving an orgasm is something
that occurs naturally to a woman
when she is properly stimulated
sexually, and you can learn to
let your body achieve an orgasm
by spending time alone
masturbating.
Masturbating will not only give
you the opportunity to explore
your body, but it will give you
a high level of sexual freedom.
Women who masturbate regularly
are usually more confident when
having sex with a partner since
they have learned different
techniques to control their
sexual responses, and they are
able to tell their partner what
they do and don't want.
Masturbating can also help you
learn how much stimulation your
body needs to reach an orgasmic
level. Sexologists William
Hartman and Marilyn Fithian
monitored over 20,000 orgasms
and found that it takes an
average of twenty minutes for
women to reach orgasm in the
laboratory. For many women, it
can take up to a half-hour or
more of sustained stimulation to
move into an orgasmic range.
 Many
women already masturbate but still have a problem achieving an
orgasm or even sexual satisfaction during sex. Even though many
women report masturbating from an early age, some as young as
five years old, it is important to understand there is no
"correct" or "right" way to masturbate. Some women feel they
should be able to masturbate to an orgasm using a certain method
because they hear other women do it that way. It is important to
keep in mind that each woman's anatomy is a little different and
their psychological makeup is a lot different. This results in
every woman masturbating differently, even if they use the same
basic technique.
Since we are dealing with
masturbating as a means to
improve your sex life with a
partner, it's important to
realize that ninety percent of
women who masturbate do so by
stimulating their clitoris, and
only ten percent of women
stimulate their vagina while
masturbating, and even they
usually stimulate their clitoris
at the same time. When a woman
masturbates, she is almost
guaranteed an orgasm, but by
concentrating primarily on the
clit, she can be leaving herself
open for disappointment during
intercourse because of the lack
of vaginal stimulation. While
every woman should be self
confident enough to reach down
and stimulate her clit during
intercourse, by changing the way
you masturbate and spend more
time concentrating on your
vagina and your G Spot, you can
help teach your body to achieve
an orgasm with less stimulation
on your clit. Additionally, by
masturbating with non vibrating,
normal size dildo and keeping
the thrusts to a realistic
level, you can reproduce the
sensations during intercourse
without the emotional pressure
during sex. This will give you
the time you need to practice
and teach your body to achieve
an orgasm easier during sex.
Initiate Sex:
There is a 90 percent chance
that the man in your life is
there because he approached you
and made the first move. The
chances are he was the one to
move in for the first kiss, and
the one to initiate the first
sexual encounter. Whether he did
so with a verbal suggestion, or
relied on your physical response
as the heavy petting move on to
groping and him removing your
clothing, more often than not,
it's the man that initiates sex
in a relationship. While this
goes back to the traditional
roles of the male and female
mentioned in the article a
Focus on Women's Sexuality,
it also has to do with the fact
many women feel their partner
will think they're 'easy' or
they're a slut if they get too
aggressive and initiate sex. In
a way, he will feel this way,
but what you have to remember is
that once your relationship is
ready to move to the sexual
level, whether it's the first
date or you've been together a
year already, there is nothing
more of a turn-on for a man than
to be seduced. Besides, as we've
already mentioned, if you are in
a serious, monogamous
relationship, most men want a
woman that's their own private
slut in the bedroom. If you're
not, and your relationships are
more about physical satisfaction
than a long term commitment,
then who cares what he thinks
about you? Your goal is to be
satisfied sexually, and what
better way to accomplish this
than you initiating what you
want in bed?
Explore Different Techniques:
Find out what he likes to be
done to him, and learn the
styles that get him going.
What goes around comes around,
and depending on where you're at
in your relationship, once you
take the lead and begin
exploring different techniques
to satisfy him, later on it will
be 'his turn to have fun' and
try different techniques on you.
 Set
aside an evening to stop thinking about yourself and your orgasm
and spend the better part of an evening concentrating on him and
his orgasm. If he tries to stop you and take control of the
situation, tell him no, this is your time to explore the
different things he enjoys, and let him know he will have his
chance to do the same to you later. This is your opportunity to
not only learn what he likes, but to see him in a new way. Very
few women have actually just sat down and explored a man's body.
Like men, they know where all the parts are, so in many ways
people that have been together for more than a few weeks tend to
see one another without really paying attention any longer.
Sure, you might pay attention to a new outfit or new sexy
lingerie, but once all the clothes come off, unless there's been
some kind of change like a new tattoo or a new piercing, we tend
to look at each other much the same as we would a picture we
have hanging on the wall of our home. We know it's there, we
know what it looks like, so we see it without paying attention
to it. Not only will you paying attention to his body be an
incredible turn on for him, it will give you time to become
visually and emotionally stimulated. Since you will want to make
this last, start by exploring his body (talked about below)
before trying different techniques to get him off. Here's
little bonus tip: Start early enough in the evening and make him
cum by either masturbating him or giving him a blowjob. After
that, it's his turn to take his time and explore your body. This
will give him time to be able to cum again later, so after using
his hands, sex toys, and his mouth to bring you to an orgasm, or
multiple orgasms, he will be able to fuck you and not only cum a
second time, it should make it possible for him to hold out
longer.
Explore his body:
Saying that a man's only sexual
organ is a penis is like saying
that a women can only derive
sexual satisfaction through her
clit. Your tits, the outer lips
of your pussy, the inner walls
of your vagina, and your G Spot
are all sexual hot spots, but
think about the other things you
enjoy having done to your body.
Gentle touches from a lovers
fingertips up and down your arms
or legs, a sensual massage,
licks and kisses on your neck
and ears are only a few of the
things that are sexually
stimulating to many women, and
most men enjoy it when a woman
explores his body as well. Spend
some time being the aggressor
and have him lay down as you use
your finger tips, your hands, a
vibrator, and your mouth to
explore the different parts of
his body. Use a massage oil on
him. Not just baby oil, but a
real massage oil. While baby oil
may not smell bad, I don't know
too many people that enjoy the
taste of baby oil. A real
massage oil will not only
provide a pleasant scent, most
of the massage oils have a
pleasing taste as well. This
should stimulate you
emotionally, and when you're
done you can lay down and ask
him to do the same to you. If
you're not comfortable asking
him to return the favor or
telling him exactly what to do,
set the vibrator within easy
reach for him, hand him the
bottle of massage oil, then take
his hand and guide his finger
tips to a part of your body you
want him to begin exploring and
tell him "It's your turn now".
He should get the hint.
Take control:
 This
brings us full circle and back
to the self-confidence issue we
started with. If you've taken
the time to watch some adult
movies and varied your
techniques when masturbating,
you should be feeling a lot more
self confident and have a more
relaxed attitude about sex in
general. Whether you've actually
learned anything new or not
doesn't matter as much as your
attitude about sex. If you're
having a hard time understanding
how watching porn movies and
trying different masturbation
techniques will help you be more
confident, compare it to giving
a speech in public. Anyone that
is going to give a speech is
going to be a lot more confident
about it the more they take time
to practice it. Just as the
speaker learns to use subtle
changes in their tone of voice
or their actions to control the
audiences reactions to his
words, you will learn to control
your actions and your lover's
actions by knowing in advance
what you want from each sexual
encounter.
Taking control doesn't have to
mean becoming a dominatrix or a
dominant mistress. Being in
control means you can be in
charge all the way, from
initiating sex to finishing in a
female superior position, to
simply guiding the evening in
the direction you want.
Being self confident enough to
be the one in charge once in a
while will also help you to gain
the knowledge you need to let
yourself enjoy sex more when
it's his turn to be in control,
concentrating more on the
pleasure you're feeling rather
than trying to concentrate on
having an orgasm. This should
make it much easier for you to
not only achieve an orgasm, but
achieve multiple orgasms.
Whether you're single and date
casually, engage in sex with
multiple partners, are in a long
term relationship, or you're
married, one thing you will find
as you gain confidence and begin
to take control is that not only
will you gain more pleasure from
sex, your partner or partners
will also be more satisfied.
Remember, men are not only
turned on by a woman that takes
control once in a while, they
feel a relief in the fact that
they aren't always responsible
for providing sexual
satisfaction in the
relationship. Some lesbian women
will also be able to benefit if
their relationship is based
around their partner always
being the aggressor.
Overcoming the fear of sex toys:
 One
last thing we need to talk about here is the fact that while
many women want to bring sex toys into a relationship, a male
partner may feel his manhood is being threatened by them. While
this is more common in a heterosexual relationship than in a
lesbian or gay relationship, it is possible to find any partner
fearing sex toys as a threat to their own natural abilities,
whether they are male or female. If your partner views the use
of sex toys as a sign that he or she isn't able to satisfy you
on their own, explain to them that the sex toys aren't there to
replace them, but to add to the pleasure you both already feel
before and during intercourse. It's usually easier to start with
a vibrator and actively involve your partner by letting them
know that you love the touch of their hands on your body, but no
one's hands can vibrate. This should make sense to most people,
and being able to provide a sensation that isn't possible
without a vibrator should be enough to make your partner realize
that adding sex toys to the relationship isn't a threat to their
ability since the toy provides a stimulus no human can offer.
Present a man with a vibrating cock ring and use the same
approach to explain that not only will the vibrations stimulate
both of you, the tightness of the cock ring will give him added
pleasure since it's tighter than any pussy in the world. When
using warming massage oils, you don't have to tell your partner
the oils smell better or taste better than their body, just let
them know it's not possible to achieve the warming sensations
the oils provide without them.
While it may take some people a
little time to get use to adding
sex toys to their relationship,
approaching your partner in this
way should help him or her
overcome any fears about not
being good enough to satisfy you
sexually without them.
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