The Emotional Orgasm.

Taking a Look at the Emotional Side of an Orgasm.

The woman's body is designed to have an orgasm. In fact, it's designed to have multiple orgasms, so if you're failing to achieve an orgasm while having sex, barring a medical condition that would prevent you from reaching an orgasm, chances are it's either a lack of stimulation or an emotional issue.

Before you get angry and say we're calling you a mental case - we're not. All we're saying is your inability to achieve an orgasm may be due to the fact you're either blocking one out mentally, you're letting too many other thoughts interfere with your pleasure, or you're concentrating on trying to have an orgasm so much you're actually thinking about it too much.

Before talking about a lack of stimulation, which we will talk about later, let's look at your emotional state when a man is fucking you.

First, does the term 'Fucking you' we just used upset you in any way? If it does, then you're not alone. There are a lot of men and woman that are fine with terms like 'having sex' or 'having intercourse', but when they read or hear terms like 'fucking', 'screwing', or 'getting fucked', they automatically have a negative reaction. This is because they can't differentiate between the term 'fuck' being used as a sexual term rather than a derogatory term.

Talking Dirty

How you react to different language can have a major impact on how intense your orgasms are, or even be part of the reason you can't achieve an orgasm. If using more technical terms like sex, penis, breasts, buttocks, or vagina are safe words for you, but the words fuck, dick, cock, tits, ass and pussy or cunt make you cringe, then you may have a sexual 'mental block.'

Some people have developed a sexual mental block because when they were a child they were told they would get their mouth washed out with soap for cussing, or some other punishment, and they've never been able to distinguish between 'talking dirty' to your sexual partner and being 'foul mouthed.'

If you have a problem talking dirty to your partner, or having your partner talk dirty to you, one positive step you can take to achieve a more positive mental attitude about sex is to realize that you're an adult now, so you're allowed to talk any way you want, and that includes using some 'sex language.' This may be enough for you to break free from the guilty feelings you're having and achieve an orgasm, or more intense orgasms.

This problem isn't limited to women by the way. Many men aren't comfortable talking dirty to their partner, or having their partner talk dirty to them. Having a foul mouth and saying things like ‘Fuck you’ or ‘Kiss my ass’ in a derogatory manner or on a daily basis isn’t necessary, and in general does little more than show an individuals lack of intelligence, but you need to realize that ‘dirty words’ are only inappropriate depending on their context. Words like fuck, cock, dick, cunt, pussy and ass are only ‘dirty’ when used in a derogatory manner, and talking dirty is a major turn on for most people.  So if you’re a man, and telling your partner ‘I love the way you suck my cock’ or ‘Holding you in my arms makes my dick hard’ makes you feel like a bad boy, then you need to let yourself be a bad boy for a change. If you’re a woman and saying things like ‘Kissing you makes my nipples hard’ or ‘When you rub my tits it makes my pussy so wet’ makes you feel slutty, then let yourself feel like a slut. Talking ‘dirty’ can be sexually stimulating since it’s being used in a positive context.

While being a slut may not be the type of reputation a woman wants at the office, and being known as a pervert may not be the best thing to improve a man’s reputation at work, when you’re having sex, your reputation is the last thing you want to be thinking about. You can be a lady or a gentleman all you want in public, or even at home when you’re not having sex, but when it’s time to fuck, it’s time to get down and dirty. Be a slut, a cunt, a whore, a pervert, or anything else you want to be as long as it makes you hot and horny so you can help yourself reach those explosive orgasms you deserve.

A lot of people that have a problem dealing with talking dirty also have a problem watching a XXX movie. They were taught pornography was dirty when they were a child, and it has affected them into their adult years. While dealing with the deeper emotional problems a person might have from being told that pornography, oral sex, anal sex, masturbating, or even sex itself is nasty when they were a child is beyond the scope of this article, I do want to say that you need to learn to let go of your childhood fears and any inhibitions you may have about sex being wrong in any way. Remember, no matter how you were raised, the fact you're here today means your mom and dad fucked at least once, and they were probably fucking each other's brains out long before you were even a sparkle in your mommy's eye.

By the way, we'll be using a lot of raunchy, adult language in the rest of this article and throwing in some XXX pictures to try and help people that do have a problem with both of these issues try to get more comfortable by looking at people having sex and reading the less technical 'clean' terms.

Other mental blocks

Most people tend to have sex on the spur of the moment without actually planning on it, and while being spontaneous can be exciting, if haven't given your brain a chance to get on sex and off of everything else, you're probably NOT going to be able to achieve an orgasm. If you’re thinking about a bad day at work, bills that are due, problems with the kids, or anything else while your pussy is being pumped by your lover's cock, and you can’t get these thought go away completely, you need to try setting the mood in advance.

Start by thinking about the things that make you feel romantic, erotic, or naughty and use them to your advantage to get yourself in the right frame of mind for sex.

This covers a lot of ground since different things arouse different people, but a few examples for romance are candles and music. Soft music accompanying a candle lit dinner or a candle lit bath are great aphrodisiacs and can help put you and your partner in the mood, and help you both forget about everything else except sex. Smells are also an aphrodisiac, and scented candles can help stimulate your sexual senses as well.

Although some changes are nice, and can be conducive to a great session of sucking and fucking, displeasing odors will have the opposite effect. Since you can’t trick your sense of smell, lighting a candle at the last minute with a scent you've never tried before isn't a good idea. You should experiment with different scents before hand, and then stick to the scents you know you and your partner find appealing.

If you get turned on by more naughty and raunchy situations, and all this romance talk just doesn’t get your pussy wet (or make your cock hard if you're a man reading this), then try getting naughty, kinky, or just downright nasty.

Put on a sexy outfit, erotic lingerie or underwear, or a kinky costume in advance. You can seduce your lover, role play, or you can spend time watching a porn movie together. Sitting next to your partner wearing a naughty outfit while watching a porno flick will drive them crazy! Whether you start out in the living room and turn the movie off to move to the bedroom, or you leave the movie on and watch it all the way from foreplay to fucking, watching other people have sex is always sexually stimulating, and it’s one of the best ways to get your brain on the right track to an intense orgasm.

For more in depth information and specific details about setting the mood for sex, check out the article 'Planning a Romantic Evening'. Also, check out the article 'New Things To Try' for some more ideas to get yourself in the mood for sex.

Another mental block is trying too hard to have an orgasm.

Many women that have a hard time reaching an orgasm do so because they've had a hard time having an orgasm in the past, or they've never had one. They usually start to think about this immediately when they start having sex, and think about it even more as their partner reaches the point that he's ready to cum. They start thinking 'I'm not going to cum' and instant try to 'will' it mentally.

Don't try to 'think' your way to an orgasm, but rather, keep your mind as clear as you can and just let yourself enjoy the pleasure you're body is receiving. If you start thinking you're not going to cum, start playing with your tits, teasing or tugging at your nipples, stroking your body gently, rubbing your clit gently or furiously, or do anything else that feels good to you. This can help you stay focused on the physical pleasure and distract you from the 'I'm not going to cum' train of thought.

Increasing Sexual Stimulation
Foreplay: The secret to achieving an emotional orgasm.

The more time you spend thinking about sex before actually fucking, the less you'll be thinking of other things, so setting the mood for sex also includes foreplay. In fact, one of the best ways for both men and women to achieve an incredible orgasm is by taking the time for some extended foreplay.

Foreplay can consist of a lot of things, from the initial kissing and cuddling to undressing your partner, but once you've moved beyond the initial foreplay and you're both naked, don't just dive in and start fucking! Spend some more time kissing, cuddling and fondling each other's nude bodies. Take time and use your hands to fondle and play with your partners genitals.

No matter how sexually aroused you are, you both need to resist the urge to dive right in and start pounding away. Men and women usually have opposite emotions at this time that can cause both of them to skip the foreplay. A lot of men are more 'result' motivated and just want to get their dick inside of a woman's pussy and experience the pleasure of cumming as soon as they can, while many women are more 'emotionally' motivated by long term fondling and achieve stronger orgasms, and multiple orgasms during and after long periods of foreplay. The main reason for this is the fact that a man can cum quickly, while it takes a woman longer to reach her first orgasm.

On average it takes a woman's body 30 minutes to become fully sexually stimulated.  It only takes a man about 30 seconds.  Since women usually take longer to reach the point of full sexual arousal than men, it's helpful for the woman to start first by masturbating for a while to get her juices flowing. The man can join in the fun, or better yet, let him sit back and enjoy the show, which is a major turn on for both the man and the woman. It satisfies the man's voyeuristic desires, and the woman's exhibitionist desires, both of which are very strong mental triggers for an intense orgasm later.

Some women are self conscious about masturbating for a man. If this is the case, spend some time stimulating each other's bodies for a while with a sensual massage. One way to help a woman achieve an intense orgasm is for the man to combine the massage with masturbation. If she's laying on her back, spend some time rubbing her tits and teasing her nipples, then move on to other parts of her body. When you reach her pussy, spend time rubbing it gently with the open palm of your hand, then move down her legs to her feet. On your return journey, stop between her legs again and tease her clit gently and rub just inside the outer lips of her labia.

Again, move on, working your way back up to her tits. Keep doing this, gradually spending longer periods of time playing with her tits and her pussy, finishing up with a nice masturbating session to bring her to her first orgasm. For some women, this is enough for them to have more orgasms once the man's cock is inside of her and they start fucking, but the foreplay can still continue after the woman's first orgasm. After she's cum for the first time, start with the massage again, but this time include a little lip and tongue service. We're not talking about diving into oral sex yet, just kiss and lick her pussy a little at this point, rather than eating her out until she cums again. Keep moving around and spend some more time on the rest of her body, working your way back to her pussy repeatedly during this time, but don't stop moving around the rest of her body for a while.

One problem a lot of women seem to have with foreplay is they don't mind rubbing on a man's body, but they're nervous about spending too much time playing with his dick. Women, don't be afraid to just sit back and play with a man's cock and balls. Stand up, pull his pants down a little, take his cock out and just stand back and play with it for a while. You can move on a little later and kiss or lick the tip a little to tease him, but hold off before pumping away at it or taking it in your mouth.

Once you've both spent some time just playing with each other's bodies, then it's time to move on to performing oral sex.

For some reason, a lot of women seem to think they have to keep going every time they give a man a blowjob until he cums, or they have to attack his cock furiously. Neither of these are true. Think of foreplay like a series of waves constantly rising and falling, with each wave getting a little bigger than the one before it. There is nothing wrong with building up a wave by sucking on a man's cock, then stopping in the middle of a blowjob to let the wave settle while a man goes down on you for a while.

There's also nothing wrong with slowly sucking and stroking a man's cock for a while rather than sucking furiously and stroking it hard. The long delay will not only increase his sexual tension, but will help you concentrate more on sex and help you build yourself up for an intense orgasm when you do start fucking.

Another tip for the guys. Men, take advantage of the fact that women can have multiple orgasms if stimulated properly. No matter how much your cock is throbbing and you're wanting to cum, step back and take the time to bring a woman to her first orgasm with your hands, your mouth, or both. Taking the time to fondle a woman's tits, suck and nibble on her nipples, and eat her pussy or masturbate her with your hands to make her cum will not only prepare her for an intense climax later when you do fuck, but taking the time to make a woman cum repeatedly before it's time for you to perform will excite you even more and help you to cum harder when you do start fucking. If you have performance anxiety, and you're constantly worried about your performance in bed, bringing a woman to multiple orgasms before you actually do start fucking will not only build your confidence, but by the time she is ready to fuck, her body and mind will be reaching a point of ecstasy where your worst performance will still be one of the most incredible experiences she's ever had. This will take a lot of the pressure off of you and will help you to reach a more powerful and satisfying orgasm yourself.

For men that have a problem with pre-mature ejaculation, foreplay is your best friend. The more time you spend eating a woman's pussy and masturbating her the better. Bring her to as many orgasms as possible using your hands and mouth, and wait until just before she's ready to climax before you slide your cock in her pussy and start pumping. No matter how fast you ejaculate, giving her multiple orgasms first and waiting as long as possible before you do start fucking her may even make her climax before you can cum yourself!

If both partners will spend a little extra time during foreplay, not only will both of you will benefit from the increased sexual stimulation and anticipation, this extended period of time you spend concentrating on your partner's body will help to free your mind of the other non-sex related subjects and allow you to achieve those earth shattering orgasms you've heard so much about.

For more information on improving your sex life, we recommend the following How-To Adult Movies: The Better Sex Guide to the Kama Sutra, Nina Hartley's Guide To G-Spot Sex, Tantric Guide Sexual Potency, Nina’s Guide To Couples Sexploration and Unlocking the Secrets of the G-Spot: The Ultimate O. For women who may be dealing with issues regarding masturbating, we recommend: A Lover's Guide To Self-Pleasuring and Nina Hartley’s Guide To Masturbation (Available at: Passions Unchained Sex Toys  Adam & Eve Sex Toys  Hustler Hollywood  Angels Toy Store )

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